What is Casual Sex? defines casual sex as “sexual activity that takes place outside of a romantic relationship and implies an absence of commitment, emotional attachment or familiarity between sexual partners.” (1)

Casual sex can take many forms depending on the circumstances of those involved. Many of us have experienced the more traditional mode of the one-night stand. Most of these encounters happen after an evening out at a bar or club, when people hook up after a night of revelry for a no-strings attached sexual liaison – pure and simple.

Others can take the form of an extramarital affair or swinging, but these can sometimes lead to messy emotional entanglements if it is not understood by both partners they’re in it for the sex only. Plus, if you send out signals within your own circle that you’re looking for an affair, it may get back to your spouse. That is, if s/he isn’t willing to experiment as well.

In today’s more relaxed world of sexual dalliances, many young people, particularly the millennial set, now use the term booty call. In this case, contacts are established either through their own circle of friends or maybe an online dating app, which allows either partner to make a late-night call or text for a sexual hookup. For many young people, gone are the sexual inhibitions of their parents’ or grandparents’ generations.

In a 2014 study on the terminology surrounding casual sex for the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, author University of Ottawa’s Jocelyn Wentland reported that of the 895 respondents (all under 30 years of age), 89% said they had casual sex and of those, 81% had at least one casual sexual partner.(2)

Why Casual Sex?

There are many reasons why people seek out casual sexual encounters. You may be coming out of a really bad relationship and need some time to lick your wounds and heal your heart. A NSA arrangement with a total stranger can be just the ticket to reinforcing your self-esteem and putting your life back on track.

If this scenario speaks to you, please check out an interesting 2013 article titled “An Easy Guide to Casual Sex That Everyone Feels Good About in the Morning.” (3) In it, the author makes the claim that there’s nothing wrong with what she refers to as a “non-committal make out.” In fact, if you set your boundaries and temper your expectations going in, this kind of affair can be really good for the sensual soul.

Or perhaps you’re currently in a monotonous relationship and your sexual fantasies are simply not being met? Is most of your time and energy going to taking care of your family and navigating a busy work life? A one night stand may be just what you need to arouse that buried sensuality and start making you feel alive again! You’d be surprised how many married men, married women and otherwise committed individuals turn to to help them find that missing romantic spark and bring some excitement back into their lives.

Society has changed a great deal since the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, and no more so than for the independent woman. There are millions of women in Canada today who by either circumstance or design have chosen not to go the route of traditional marriage. In fact, in 2016 slightly less than 50% of men and women were single compared to their married counterparts.(4)

Many of those women are seeking out casual sexual relationships because they just don’t want the headache nor the limitations of a traditional coupling. During long-term marriages, sex can often become a chore more than a pleasure. So, for the many women who may now find themselves widowed, divorced or happily single, they too are looking for fun and excitement in the sex department. Don’t be fooled into thinking that men – married or otherwise - want sex more than women. And some of those women are amenable to affairs with men in open marriages.

Married men may also look for romantic outlets outside of their heterosexual lives. As a bicurious, bisexual or closeted homosexual man, you may not wish to engage with the established gay community in your area or frequent gay social establishments for fear of repercussion to you and your family. allows you to safely explore new and exciting sexual pursuits within a discreet and private environment.

How to Find the Best Casual Sex

Before you start looking for the best avenue to find that special friend with benefits, you need to do some homework. Are you simply looking for some casual fun? Or are you looking for something more regular – a sexual partner you can turn to on a regular basis who understands your circumstances but who is looking for nothing more than a discreet affair?

You can always start with the club or bar scene, but there are risks involved to making these types of connections in public places. You’d be surprised how just a few degrees separate all of us in today’s interconnected world. Everyone seems to know someone who knows someone.

Another option is sex dating agencies and escort services which, years ago, would have seemed to be the safest bet. Escorts are best left off the table due to laws in most jurisdictions. With agencies: keep in mind you are at the mercy of the service provider, and you could find yourself wide open to exposure.

There are many websites, social networks, and dating apps that cater to married affairs and no-strings encounters. For many people discretion is an imperative, so you might wish to ensure you’re using a connection vehicle that takes your privacy seriously. is a private community by design, where likeminded people can mingle. Some members choose to share very little about themselves on their public profile until they get to know a little about their potential matches. Usually after a few back and forth messages they get a feel for who they’re talking to, and whether they want to proceed. Privacy features like private image showcases allow users to share additional private pictures with potential matches when they feel comfortable.

A Few Tips for the Casual Sexual Encounter

To ensure the best sexual arrangement possible, it is important that you articulate what you want and don’t want in the perfect sexual partner. And that also means doing some research. A good first step is to check out credible websites and online articles on some do’s and don’ts for the perfect hook up – for both men and women.(5)

A few useful takeaways include:

  • Be clear about your expectations. If you’re only after a discreet, occasional sexual encounter, then be open about that up front. Make sure there is no room for confusion and that you don’t go through a lengthy process only to find out your partner is looking for something more than a casual affair.
  • Set some ground rules for your relationship. Make sure each of you understands the other’s limitations – both inside and outside the bedroom. You may have some boundaries in your sexual activity or you may be open to experimenting with new, exciting and different things. Clear lines of communication can lead to a more rewarding experience.
  • Also, it may be wise at the start to state whether this is an “exclusive arrangement” or whether either of you intend to seek out other partners. Or you may just decide to see how things evolve.
  • If you’re married or in a committed relationship, you may want to set out how best to contact each other outside of your encounters. When are the best times? What’s out of bounds? How active are each of you on social media? Will that compromise your privacy and discretion in any way? Be clear about these things.
  • Enjoy the moment. Try not to let either one of you bring your personal relationship baggage into the encounter. Otherwise, it just weighs down the experience and defeats the purpose of why you’re there in the first place.
  • Always do your best to be prepared, as mistakes/mishaps can happen. Bringing along condoms, lubricants and other sexual aids that will heighten the experience are all worth consideration.
  • You may want to decide on a neutral, mutually-agreeable location for your tryst, especially for the first meeting. If you hook up in either one’s territory, it may not provide the comfort and privacy the situation demands.
  • Have respect for your potential partner. Try not to play mind games or get caught up in emotional manipulations.
  • Just be yourself – or the self you’ve always wanted to be!

It’s important that your profile reflects many of these insights so you’re not going down a rabbit hole before you even have your first encounter. Get to know your potential partner through our online chat rooms first, followed up by intimate phone calls.

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